we finally were able to visit her specialist on Monday, which was a bit of a relief, and now i am faxing all manner of paperwork and release forms from here to California and Alabama and back again. this gastroenterologist does not want to repeat tests unnecessarily...and for that, too, i am grateful. i have great expectations of this man. i have made sure he is aware of them. i pray he doesn't disappoint.
a bit vexing is that all the things i'd believed were ruled out as a diagnosis for Helen are back on the table. big, scary things: cystic fibrosis, crohn's disease, celiac disease...those are just the three i remember at this moment. there are other monsters out there, i've just forgotten their names.
Helen ~ 9 months
when Helen was born (a week post-due and terribly traumatically) she was different from my other babies. she was present. older. aware. she had this piercing gaze and fierce determination...working so hard to hold her head up even in our recovery room. her eyes were captivating. you could see her sagacity at 2 days old.
i loved her immediately, with a fierceness that startled me. i knew her...had known her my whole life and felt a piece of me come home the day they released her from my womb.
Helen ~ 5 years
today, Helen is a self-assured, comfortable-in-her-skin 5 year old. she's wise and nonplussed...in a manner that belies her age. she knows exactly who she is (i envy that), and she knows exactly who you are as soon as you meet. when her Goddaddy met her for the first time(she was 4 months old), he insisted on riding next to her carseat so he could lock eyes for the hour and a half drive from the airport. later, he confessed, "i had to. i couldn't look away...i know she sees me when she looks into my eyes. i could feel her see my soul."